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Showing posts with the label rants

Sleep & Hibernate

The human body has its ways to tell us that we need sleep, we need rest. The laptop has its ways too. So I've always put my laptop to hibernate mode instead of properly shutting it down. And today it suddenly refused to work on me, again. Just when things get busier and when I need my notebook the most. So I stoned for thirty minutes with a splitting headache, and decide to head home and hibernate too. Shan't ignore these signs that I too, need some rest.

Gonna get over it

Singapore's night heat was getting to me, totally couldn't sleep. Had burst of mixed emotions from nowhere really. Had nothing to do. Was admiring pretty girls on Facebook. And then catching up with Fadiah on skype. And then it struck me. How much I should have planned my years carefully. I should have studied harder in Year 1, so I could go for exchange in Year 3. I could have had my dreams come true, study in a French-speaking country, and just have a European experience for 6 months. I should have studied harder so I wouldn't have to struggle so much in Year 3 just so I can make it for honours. Well looks like I hadn't plan it out so well huh? It sucks. Sucks sucks sucks. Now I feel like rolling into a ball and shrink into nonexistence. But then again there's no point in thinking over the past. It's over. At least I am thankful for all the opportunities I grabbed during these 3 years in NUS (I've drafted a long entry on this, have yet to publish it due to...

RAWR

QU’EST-CE QUE JE DOIS FAIRE? POURQUOI LE TEMPS S’EST PASSE TROP VITE QUAND J’ETUDIE ?! J’AI BESOIN PLUS DE TEMPS POUR FINIR MES REVISIONS :( J’SUIS STRESSEE ET DE PLUS EN PLUS, J’AI PERDU MON MOTIVATION. AH C’EST LA VIE. MERDE. MAIS C’EST PAS GRAVE. JE PEUX LE FAIRE ! LE BUT DE CET ARTICLE EST POUR EXPRIMER MES SENTIMENTS. POURQUOI EN FRANÇAIS ? SIMPLEMENT POUR EVITER DE SEMBLER QUE J’AI FAIT BEAUCOUP DE REFLEXIONS CONCERNANT LES ISSUES SCOLAIRES. JE SERAI MIEUX PLUS TOT !

Breathe

This is frustrating. I ranted out so well and all it takes was an accidental click and the whole entry's gone. I am beyond infuriated (obviously this doesn't show). But then again, I can always rant twice. As I was typing before, the things I have to do and have to complete by this week and next week have completely exceeded the existing resources I have now :( I have three ongoing projects to do and I have been multi-tasking like crazy. There's paediatric psych presentation slides to tidy up, french powerpoint slides and presentation script and MNO report and presentation, again. It's crazy. The worst feeling is knowing that there are people around you who are somehow depending on you (well we are all depending on each other in groupwork) and it's tearing me apart. But I am only human and I can only do things one at a time. And I hate to admit and to have reached this state but I completely abhor how the academic aspect of french is slowly killing off my intrinsic ...

Cheese

Good morning. I woke up today thinking about this awesome new pizza that Pizza Hut just came out with. Not that I'm advertising for it. But this advertisement at some random busstop caught my eye while I was on my way to school. Being a cheese-lover, I've gotta try this one. Hoorah for Italian cheese :D Speaking of Italy, I'm dying to watch this! Ah, gelato! You might be wondering why is it that I seem to have more time in my hands. The arts faculty's having this e-learning week now. It masks all the million things I actually have to do. Like the 3 pending lectures to hear, and of course my projects. You see, we actually think that by having this, we'd be able to save more time but it actually makes you do more work. By being at home and being in front of your computer, people actually thought it will be faster, but in actual fact no. Like online discussion is twice as long as the actual physical discussion we could have had in classes. I just had two e-learning via...

Language

So this morning, I totally felt defeated. I guess language acquisition is really hard. Really, really hard. I went back to reflect upon myself how in the world do I acquire English and Malay in such a progressively easy way. And I realise that the only way to acquire language so well is to speak it everyday. And by everyday, it means, every single moment, every single opportunity you take to communicate with someone else. To utilise it in our speech everyday, and to listen to others when they speak. Because otherwise, you can never get across what you really want to say, and you can never understand what others want to convey. Acquiring a third, forth, fifth (and so on) languages at a generally older age IS hard. I used to have this confidence that if you throw me in a French-speaking country, I think I would be able to hold conversations. Yes, that's true. Normal conversations at a rather average, slow-ish speed. But I don't want to feel limited when I communicate (I do admit ...

School

Modules this semester: - Social Psychology - Paediatric Psychology - Learning and Conditioning - French 5 - Management and Organisation So tomorrow, or rather, later, will be the start of a new semester. Daym, Year 3 sounds so old. I'm feeling pretty apprehensive because some of the psych modules above are rather heavy. I am uber scared for French because this time round it is mostly about French literature which is something new and foreign to me. And that apprehension is futher aggravated upon seeing that my lecturer could be the same one I had 3 semesters ago. Not that he's bad, just that he always has tendencies to call my name whenever I was off-guard or wasn't prepared for answers, like all the time. Do you know how silly that looks? Imagine question marks all over my face while trying my best to form sentences in my head. Ok but thankfully because of him, I bucked up a lot and that probably contributed to why I'm still pursuing this language. So yeah, this is a c...

Routine routine geez

Hoooooomagawd!! It took me about 15s to realise that I was soaping with shampoo just now. I was like wondering why on earth do I smell like Pantene?! Must have loads on my mind, geez. Actually it's because of this I begin to ponder the chemical fundamentals of shampoo and whether it can be used as a substitute for shower gels, hmm. If I were to stay in a rural, suburb many distance away from the city and I only have shampoo and the only shop which sells soap run out of stock, can I use it to soap myself? Actually how on earth do cavemen shower, or do they even shower?! Why am I even thinking about this?! As always I have other callings such as cognitive test creeping up (darn it, we only knew the test coverage yesterday and the test will be next wednesday, 1 week for almost the whole book?!). And tweaking of my finalised health psych report due tomorrow 6 pm. And also I will have to perfect my makcik-malay accent for tomorrow's presentation (if you're interested to know wha...

You know what?

Screw social norms and standards. Screw benchmarks and expectations. Screw insincerity and facades. Screw superficiality. Screw empty words and empty promises. Screw people who come only when they need you. Screw greed, self-centeredness and narcissisms. Screw betrayals. Screw pride and arrogance. Screw hyprocricy and double standards. Screw rejection and exclusivity. Screw hostility. Screw those who turned their backs on you when you need them the most. Just screw 'em all really. I think people should also screw this in their heads; that doesn't mean others who naturally put up a strong front and show high resilience after a horrible event/incident should give them ANY excuses to think that these people are ok just so that they are not saddled with guilt. That is just one bad excuse. Wait, that is not even a freaking excuse. And to all of you who are hurt/trampled upon/used/betrayed/etc. and who just do that silently, you should stop doing that and start giving people a piece ...

Expectations

Expectations. You need to live them up, as a student, as a friend, as a child, as a parent, as a citizen, there isn't any one role which doesn't need us to live up some expectations. When you feel like you've become the slave to things you don't even enjoy. When everything is about anything but you. When you feel too constrained. When you just want to stop the world and scream to them and for once listen to your feelings. That's when you know you have had enough. - Apart from that, back from India already! Will blog about the trip soon. Totally missing India. Had nice time catching up with friends back in Singapore too, really awesome times wooohoooo. Looking forward to a good new year!

So lead me

Slow Me Down - Emmy Rossum Rushing and racing and running in circles Moving so fast, I'm forgetting my purpose Blur of the traffic is sending me spinning Getting nowhere My head and my heart are colliding, chaotic Pace of the world I just wish I could stop it Try to appear like I've got it together I'm falling apart Sometimes I fear that I might dissapear In the blur of fast forward I faulter again Forgetting to breathe, I need to sleep I'm getting nowhere All that I've missed I see in the reflection Passed me while I wasn't paying attention Tired of rushing, racing and running I'm falling apart Save me Oh won't you take my hand and lead me Slow me down Don't let love pass me by Just show me how 'Cause I'm ready to fall Slow me down Don't let me live a lie Before my life flies by I need you to slow me down Just show me I need you to slow me down The noise of the world is getting me caught up Chasing the clock and I wish I could stop it Ju...

If I could stop the world

In the years to come will you think about these moments that we shared In the years to come are you gonna think it over And how we lived each day with no regrets Nothing lasts forever though we want it to The road ahead holds different dreams for me and you In a year from now maybe there'll be things we'll wish we never said In a year from now maybe we'll see each other Standing on the same street corner No regrets Each and every end is always written in the stars If only I could stop the world I'd make this last Sometimes goodbye Though it hurts in you heart is the only way for destiny Sometimes goodbye Though it hurts is the only way now for you and me Though it's the hardest thing to say I'll miss your love in every way So say goodbye but don't you cry cause true love never dies - Say Goodbye, S Club Pardon for the recent, random emotional posts, but ah well. Life's like that isn't it? We all each have our highs and lows. There are days when you j...

Bleargh

I just had the devt psych quiz and I knew I shouldn't have stayed for the flashing of answers (right after the paper). So demoralising :((((((((( I'm feeling abit under the weather, very edgy and irritable I think it's because of period. Period. Bleargh. I don't feel like staying back in Central Lib to study just as I planned to because the crowd here is so overwhelming especially now it's nearing the exams, I can't study in this condition, especially not right now. I'm tired, fatigue, sleepy, mentally drained, in need of glucose and unmotivated. I'm gonna have some pasta with fadiah and prolly head somewhere else to study for my final grammar french test tomorrow. While I am reading through my french notes, I overheard some french exchange students in front of me conversing, and am distracted. Gah. But not to worry about me, I'll be fine, just need some destressing moments (:
I just don't get how some people don't understand the concept of two-way street. I don't like it when people give themselves excuses that other people are busy, that's why they don't try and make the effort to chat up with them, or catch up even with them. Those are simply excuses. But of course if they themselves are busy, I'd understand. But projecting reasons that doesn't concern them? Simply unreasonable. Because I believe that preoccupation is a constant. Aren't the rest of us equally busy too? But don't we try, even in the simplest gestures to give more attention to other things but work? Relationships, by every definition and dimensions of it, work on this basis. If excuses such as "I won't ask you out, cos I just know you're busy" are being used multiple times, the only thing that is reflected is just how you simply don't care at all because you don't even try. I believe that if some people in your life mean so much ...

heyho!

Ok I'm seated at some corner in the computers in the school library so I'm not overly conscious of people seeing that I'm blogging instead of doing school-related things. Is 15 minutes till french lecture. Just had a good BK meal while catching up with fadiah (love talking to her!). Just ended abnormal psych mid-term test, and I really have no comments about it though it's do-able but am uncertain of answers. Which is why MCQs are bad, and I abhor negative-making scheme. Since I don't check my nus email very often, I just saw this email about local exchange to SMU/NTU and I'm very much interested to go to either universities during year 3 semester 1! It's not as costly as overseas exchange although experiences will be limited since I'm still in the island of Singapore. But I really wanna know how it feels like to be in other schools, particularly SMU. Anyway, I foresee that the next 3 days will be busy for me since I've a 2000-words paper to write be...

Bleargh

I am exhibiting symptoms of stress similar to those when I was studying crazily for PL1101E. This sucks. The fact that tomorrow's paper is 50 MCQs is fine, but the fact that NINE chapters with at least 50 pages per chapter being tested is NOT fine. Ok, I can't do this! And on this other thing, I should stop feeling about emo about it :(

Sporadics

Strange activity?! Holy cows right! I joined Twitter earlier this year because of Ellen Degeneres LOL! But as you can see from above, my activity level in twitter is zilch and I don't tweet. I think I only tweet-ed twice (I don't know why they are showing '0's up there) and I followed several people before. And how can because of the void in my twitter they suspended my account?! Reason why I'd like to tweet now is because some of my friends have been asking for my twitter, and I learn that it has been increasingly popular. Haha, oh wells, I'll probably create another! This is not very good though. Facebook, Tumblr, Twitter, Blogger, FML, Lj, YouTube. Taking a toll in my life! My family is uproariously laughing over Mr Bean series right now. The bizarre thing is, we all have watched Mr Bean series like millions of time in our whole life, but why is that we still find it funny and laugh? Although you anticipate what's coming from the series, you inevitably la...

Ten things

I like lists today. 1) I noticed that it has been pouring on every other Friday morning, maybe in the afternoon (or just evidences that it rained). 2) The rumblings of my stomach have been heard by joy and jamie. But thank god they're friends and not strangers if not I'd just pretend the noises didn't come from me. 3) I am not prepared for raya at all. 4) I am more excited for recess week than hari raya; but we'll see again tomorrow if the see-saw tilts the other way. 5) Am happy to spend last night with nuurun/aalok/sieg/salihin/firdaus (except for mumu) after a long time! We're on the way to building a team guys (: 6) Is here to say that good sleep is predominantly a determinant of your mood. So now I'm pretty happy because I had a good one. 7) Is dissatisfied with stats quiz marks, and performance of french test (because I think I made silly mistakes I only realised after the test), but it's ok! Moving on. 8) I am sort of sad that my ramadhan has been fas...

Sleep

The level of necessity for long, deep sleep has been upgraded to be on par with the necessity for air -.- But for now, nay. Last test before the recess week commences at 10 am later. need to stay positive