Sakinah Abdul Aziz

Hello, March. It is yet another new month. Time really flies. It has been quite a journey, I think, for my past 6 months. When life presents me with a myriad of challenges and difficulties, be it affecting me emotionally, or experiencing challenges at work, there are only gains at the end of the day. Today, I see them as blessings. They are opportunities to build me up so I can emerge stronger, to grow and to learn. To learn how to let go of what I cannot control, to accept the things I cannot change and to change the things I can.  Today, I am going to let myself, let go.

I think introversion comes with age, really. I'm a very good example. Ever since I stopped interning, I've just been keeping a lot to myself. If you compare a 4-months ago me and the present me, I was probably more extroverted back then. I don't know if social networking sites are accurate means to gauge one's extroversion, you could check me out on Facebook and with the timeline feature (a great way to stalk, may I add), you could see the number of things I was sharing or how people connected with me, 2 years ago as compared to now. There were more random stuffs I was happy to entertain and crazy, crazy wallposts (now that I'm reading them I cannot stop laughing!). I suppose Facebook does show how much and how well you are connected to a certain extent. Of course I do not dismiss the other factors that contribute to one's extroversion and I do agree with the superficiality of certain interactions via social media. Dang, I need to get out of this. Don't ...

There are reasons why certain people are so special and that you can immediately set them apart from the rest. Of course there are the good times; they bring joy, warmth and comfort, but it's also these same people who make you vulnerable/feel vulnerable in many bittersweet ways. It is these few people who can really surprise you with your capacity to allow yourselves to bask in this vulnerability despite knowing the associated risks that may come along. It's like scraping the different epidermal layers of your skin, and exposing them bit by bit until you've arrived at the innermost layer where you are most vulnerable to pathogens. It is with these people you can be completely yourself with and through being comfortable, you gradually expose some flaws, weaknesses, habits, weird tendencies and silly antics along the way. Other people can easily shoot you down, some may leave you, criticize you, bring you down but these people acknowledge and embrace them and perhaps shoot y...

So this morning, I totally felt defeated. I guess language acquisition is really hard. Really, really hard. I went back to reflect upon myself how in the world do I acquire English and Malay in such a progressively easy way. And I realise that the only way to acquire language so well is to speak it everyday. And by everyday, it means, every single moment, every single opportunity you take to communicate with someone else. To utilise it in our speech everyday, and to listen to others when they speak. Because otherwise, you can never get across what you really want to say, and you can never understand what others want to convey. Acquiring a third, forth, fifth (and so on) languages at a generally older age IS hard. I used to have this confidence that if you throw me in a French-speaking country, I think I would be able to hold conversations. Yes, that's true. Normal conversations at a rather average, slow-ish speed. But I don't want to feel limited when I communicate (I do admit ...

I'm telling myself that if I ever go up to the ship again someday I wanna make sure I'll have a fulfulling journey. The kind which I'll bravely face and put up with the storms. The kind which I'll witness how it moves day-to-day with so much passion and intrigue. The kind which I will vow to never be afraid to exude sincere happiness and joy and to always give my fullest. To give, because giving is such a beautiful, self-fulfilling gesture one can ever perform. The kind where in times of wreck, I will always fight for that ship and although it's an easier task to let go and just drown, I'll muster enough energy and courage to survive and hold on to that ship. The kind that no matter how others see it, I will only see beauty and love, and nothing bad can tarnish it. The kind with lifelong learning experiences and where I learn the most from. And most important of all, the kind which I learn to never look back with regrets and embrace all challenges ahead. Because...

Although people might have judged my dad as being a man of a few words, I on the other hand, have obviously seen him on the complete contrary. Sure perhaps you can say that whatever traits you can see through me exist in him as well. Talkativeness, sociableness and very laughable. When he sees people he knows, like his friends or relatives outside, he wears a genuine smile and approaches them. Sometimes my mom gets really annoyed by his social needs because he would take a very long time to finish socializing, but I can understand it. Anyway, despite these traits, my dad is still a man of a few words as a father. This shouldn't be confused with what you call; a lack of communication. Not at all. It's just that my dad speaks minimal, but despite this, he has his ways to get through me and my sisters. By asking how we are doing, by sending us emails on certain virtues and learning points and he understands without even saying so much (this can be seen especially when my mom and ...