Sakinah Abdul Aziz

Of course nobody likes the flu bug. We groan and sigh because we just have that too many things to do that we cannot afford to fall sick. And then we blame the "bug", or the people whom we have come in contact with 24 hours prior to experiencing the first onset of flu (normally would be a terrible sore throat for me). But of course at the end of the day, we blame ourselves for failing to immunize ourselves against these viruses and bacteria floating around in the hot, humid Singapore air. To have come to this point, I am aghast at how we tend respond to falling sick. Sometime back, I was down with a mild fever (and probably a diarrhea that did not really manifest itself very well, thankfully) after my weekend trip in Bintan, and what I suspected, after savouring the delectable street food. On Monday, I went to see the doctor and I was given a 2-days MC as he was afraid I had dengue. But of course, I had too many things to do, I stubbornly went back to work on Tuesday, an...

Hello, March. It is yet another new month. Time really flies. It has been quite a journey, I think, for my past 6 months. When life presents me with a myriad of challenges and difficulties, be it affecting me emotionally, or experiencing challenges at work, there are only gains at the end of the day. Today, I see them as blessings. They are opportunities to build me up so I can emerge stronger, to grow and to learn. To learn how to let go of what I cannot control, to accept the things I cannot change and to change the things I can.  Today, I am going to let myself, let go.

Just like every year, I'd spend some time reflecting back on how the year has been. For me, 2012 has been a year of milestones. And because of that, the year flew past me, just like that. From spending my last semester in school, doing up a research paper, finally graduating, tasting what working life feels like through an enriching internship and embarking on my very first full-time job. And experiencing life's ups and downs in between. I'd like to believe that my 2012 has been good overall and I should bid the year goodbye with much gratitude. There were several things 2012 has taught me: 1) To come to terms that it is impossible to rationalize every single thing and that some things are meant to be irrational. To be seeking for justification or explanation for everything, and to make sense of everything would be unattainable and impractical. Rationalizing is the works of the brain, but often we do things purely because we want to. Sometimes what the heart wants ...

The one bitter truth about life is, it does not stop to wait for anyone. The world is spinning, people are moving on, and you still find yourself stuck somewhere. And you watch as the world passes by without you, leaving you behind. And it's not because you cannot keep up, you don't want to. It's because you need to be stationary for awhile. You need to stop, to rest your feet, to rejuvenate yourself, and most importantly, to stabilize yourself. In this process, it is only easy to be lured into moving forward because that is what everyone else is doing. "Why am I still here?". You peer out. The world is still the same without you. The world goes on. People are walking, people are passing you by, people are moving on. Block all the external noise out and focus on yourself. And look inward. Look within yourself. That's where you need to go. Tell yourself, that this journey is yours, and yours alone. And it never should have been measured against the external...

I felt very inspired a few nights ago after I met up with a very close friend who had shared a great deal about her life journey. Her life journey, although cannot be identical to my own, somehow resonates with me. And to see how this person grows after having experienced from one ordeal to another, and now has attained so much joy and peace, only confirm my outlook in life. There will be times when we will be afflicted with trials and tribulations, and that the world may seem bleak, but only through these times, we can actually find strength. Although intuitively, we all know how it really feels when life sucks. We feel we are plummeting into this deep, dark, black hole and everything else will be a downward spiral just when we think that that is the end of it all. The most re-assuring thing is, there is no other way to go because that's the bottomest kiddo. We can only head towards that one direction, and that is to keep going up. And the next re-assuring thing is, only through...

So for the sake of some quick updates, I've been having about a month of bumming. I had officially graduated after 4 years, which now felt very much like 4 months instead when I look back. It's amazing how time flies. I'll talk more about school as I intend to dedicate a blog entry for this particular milestone since school has been a significant part of my life and it deserves a proper closure in writing. I spent about 3 months doing an internship soon after and ever since it ended, I've been clinging to my 4 weeks of freedom very dearly before the start of my first official job. While I planned my last few days, the first realization I had was the very fact that I had almost no memory of the last time I could spend my days freely and doing whatever I wanted to. The last was probably the period of time after the A's, but most of it was spent doing a part-time job. This week has been refreshing. For one, I notice how beautiful the afternoons are. While the majorit...

There's this tinge of sadness that Ramadhan is coming to an end. This time round it stems from the fact that I wished I could have done so much more and make it so much more fulfilling. To attain fulfillment not only in the spiritual sense, but fulfillment in my way of life, in the pursuit of a better quality of life. There are always learning points and it is very timely that this period is somewhat marked by some crossroads. I faced certain dilemmas as to doing certain things, I ended having to do another round of soul-searching, putting myself out in a rather vulnerable position, and reflecting upon things in life that have made me questioned a lot. Through such process, it is never easy to attain tranquility. Sometimes when the mind is not at rest, the heart cannot follow suit. But thank God, there were a few nights I attained that, and I should be thankful enough to have at least some days of peace. It's hard to let go especially when I started the month with clear intent...