Sakinah Abdul Aziz

Although this might sound too slow (yeah I know it is), Happy New Year! 2010 sounds like a pretty good year, and I shall usher it in with a positive note. 2009 has been a wonderful year for me too. Apart from it zooming past me exceptionally faster than 2008, I think it zoomed pretty well. Today's musings might not capture the whole of 2009 but here's some: The good things in 2009: The beautiful people around me, my family, friends, we all grew stronger. The university friends, I'm blessed to have made good friends from the sea of people in there. Am thankful that along the way, I've met good people. To sum this up, thank you to everyone who has been there. Each and everyone of you made my year by many, little different ways and although my dedication of time might be lesser to some, but do keep in mind that it is the quality and not quantity that matters. So thank you, I appreciate all my lovelies (: The Usuals Formation (haha), am grateful for this! I finally got the ...

Expectations. You need to live them up, as a student, as a friend, as a child, as a parent, as a citizen, there isn't any one role which doesn't need us to live up some expectations. When you feel like you've become the slave to things you don't even enjoy. When everything is about anything but you. When you feel too constrained. When you just want to stop the world and scream to them and for once listen to your feelings. That's when you know you have had enough. - Apart from that, back from India already! Will blog about the trip soon. Totally missing India. Had nice time catching up with friends back in Singapore too, really awesome times wooohoooo. Looking forward to a good new year!

It's Wednesday and my first paper would be next Monday. One of the most hated periods of our lives, well most of us dread them, are really the pre-examination periods. The moment you wake up, it's just you and the books, you take breaks whenever you need them, and then you continue facing the books. I have to admit, isn't this a teeny bit sad? I mean, besides the wondrous things you can attain with excellent academic achievement, the whole cycle is just plain flat. Few of the things I thought about during my breaktime are the greater things out there. I thought about this because I was frying an egg to satisfy my stomach, and when I was peeling the onions, I teared. Well most of the time I didn't tear as much as this one, and me, after many years of having learnt that onions make you cry, am still amazed. I'm amazed how such creations can actually cause such a strong physiological reaction from humans. The other thing I thought about was really how I'm going to ...

I realise that when my head hurts, especially after a long day, it's only on the left side. So I told Rui Qi about it and she formulated that maybe it's because I talk a lot HAHA! Which is true since your left brain governs language comprehension and production. Language = a tool for communication. Communication = mostly verbal . Hence, chatter. I finally got my new passport! The most ironic thing today was that I had the most peaceful lunch during the busy lunchtime hour at Raffles Hospital while waiting for my passport to be "made". Just me and my meal. While I was 100 percent-ly enjoying my ban mian, thoughts, yet again, were racing in my head. Not those confusing, energy-sucking, miserable ones. But just general restrospection. While I sat there enjoying my meal, I was thinking about how adult I actually feel. Well 20 years, guess I am an emerging adult. I've learnt not to depend on people so much. Although I confidently declare that I love the company of peop...

I had this discussion/conversation with a friend yesterday about how we tend to appear strong although you know that somewhere deep down inside, there is this strong temptation to crumble down and let the weakness overcome you. Somehow, I cannot deny this viewpoint because it's true. Some of us choose not to admit defeat, because when we resist surrender, it's a sign that you're strong. Because the fact that you don't let the weakness overpower you, you're strong. Because when you admit defeat, it's the easiest route you take, and you perceive this as a sign of weakness. Because this, is our defense system. You know what's the beauty of this struggle? You remove this facade and show yourself only to the people who means the most to you. And that's when you reveal every inch of your weakness. The most beautiful thing is to make the other persons know how much they mean to you while at the end of the day, you feel a million times better just by exposing yo...

Here's what I think about time. The more you have time in your hands, the more you let it slip away. Just like how you try to collect more sand and how it overflows and escapes through the holes between your fingers. The time frame you envision is longer, thus, you do not keep pace. You think you can afford to let it slip away when in fact you can do more. The less time you have, the more you push yourself to work to keep pace, with the knowledge that time is unstoppable. This parallels with the whole idea of working under pressure. To be on your toes all the time. Aren't we all brought up in a society where everything's all so fast-paced? I'm slowly attaining epiphany with regards to PL2132. Jiayi has been really helpful. All you need in a working environment is really a good support system (: I'm experiencing mixed feelings the whole day today. Sometimes I wish I could fly away to somewhere where I know no one. And just spill everything that's on my mind (not ...

Ten things on top of the head: 1) I don't see the dire need for MSN now as much as years back. Like seriously. I just sink into this pure laziness thinking it's pointless to transfer all messages I want to convey from my head just because thoughts/ideas are processed so much faster there than my fastest typing speed. And by the time they are finally conveyed, they just seemed so warped and unpersonal. Besides people just don't chat so much anymore. 2) Need to fast tomorrow. 3) I don't see why my family can't make the effort to go out once a fortnight on weekends or something. At least it beats the idea of staying at home where people are so engrossed in their own business and work. So much for quality time. Pfft. 4) I am so into Gossip Girl now. Dan Humprey's lines are love. Gotta thanks aiman for the great tv shows, high possibility I'm hooked. Thank god for leftover chips on the table, I'm so gonna munch-away! 5) Feels the sudden urge to read book port...

- Anyway. My own version of "Life is like a box of chocolates." would be.. When life gives you a box of chocolates when you least expect it to, you didn't jump for it simply because you don't crave for it. Until someone else takes it away and eats happily in front of you. Then, you wonder what it would be like if you had taken the box of sumptuous chocolates and eaten it instead. Then you crave. - Life is really weirding me out right now. Am here to sit and watch the games fate is throwing to it. My mom bought an MP5 with my aunt of size 8MG. She's like watching all these recent movies now. And I realised that the singapore flags hung outside people's flats are increasing now. My god, it's gonna be August soon! Oh and on another random note, I think out-of-the-box ideas come flowing faster when I'm running a bath or when I'm in the confines of the toilet. Ha!

I ought to blog about something tonight but I'm far too lazy and sleepy. My sleeping pants is chocolate-tainted (thanks to Lindt and Fauchon) which reminds me of how the supply of chocolates at home needs some replenishing. Eff, do I really need to go to certain lengths to get tastier, quality, cheaper chocolates? I managed to squeeze two pieces of clothing I just bought into my teeny new bag, and I amaze myself like that. I'm still floating between abnormal and developmental psychology and to decide which one I should prioritize for the module preference exercise. From where I am; next to the windowstill and 45 degrees from the view of a 3/4 full moon glowed in orange, the night is young. And I think I might go to bed anytime soon. Right now, all I can think of is a song from grey's anatomy. I believe whatever he's saying is true in this song. Awful truth? Wait, wait for the dawn my dear Wait till the sun gets here And you will wait too long he will be gone Wait, wait ...

I'm awake yet again thinking about something that's been bothering me for days. I don't know why my mind's at it these days. What's it? My raison d'être . My reason of being. If being 20 marks the initial stage of being at the crossroads, then I'm totally experiencing it. Have you ever wondered what are you born to do? To become? What am I meant to do? What do I love doing most? Would I end up doing something I love the most? What am I good at? What exactly do I love to do, and what exactly am I good at, I don't think I really know. Or perhaps just bits of it. I need to find it. To seek for something that makes me feel alive and whole. Something which tells me that this is how I should live life. Something tells me that I need to take risks. I've been too long in my comfort zone. Perhaps a year? Maybe I should do something out of ordinary, to find it.

20 years I've been living. Yesterday was one of the few times when I was able to justify my existence. That I live not just because. But I am here for a reason. Life is a roller coaster ride. There were times when I wonder about how perfect the lives of others can be. Perfect happy family. Successful. Able to earn more than just to make ends meet. To love and be loved in return. World filled with love, wealth, good heath. Unflawed. Before I stupidly lead myself into such a delusional belief of the lives of others and choosing to believe how mine pales in total comparison, I thought about how meanings would be lost if everyone had acquired every single thing mentioned above. Then why live anymore? Better to rest in peace with everything you've achieved, particularly happiness. And until we return to Him, dying in sheer happiness and peace; that's what we all should aim for. Now I see that life is perpetual with challenges, and it's up to us to face up to all of them. If ...

It's totally way past my sleepy time. So that's great. Been looking through pictures of St. Mathieu. So so gorgeous. From where I am, seated behind this laptop screen and just looking at pictures of the Atlantic Ocean, of the lighthouse and of myself being there, of the greatest things; it makes me feel so small. In a wondrous, amazing way, I feel small at such God's creation of beauty and nature. I am still mesmerized and awed. Even a single step there isn't enough to take it all in, how less would it be through pictures? But it's still breathtaking. Yet, that's just only one place out of billions of places that exist in the world.