Re-awakening

Of course nobody likes the flu bug. We groan and sigh because we just have that too many things to do that we cannot afford to fall sick. And then we blame the "bug", or the people whom we have come in contact with 24 hours prior to experiencing the first onset of flu (normally would be a terrible sore throat for me). But of course at the end of the day, we blame ourselves for failing to immunize ourselves against these viruses and bacteria floating around in the hot, humid Singapore air. To have come to this point, I am aghast at how we tend respond to falling sick.

Sometime back, I was down with a mild fever (and probably a diarrhea that did not really manifest itself very well, thankfully) after my weekend trip in Bintan, and what I suspected, after savouring the delectable street food. On Monday, I went to see the doctor and I was given a 2-days MC as he was afraid I had dengue. But of course, I had too many things to do, I stubbornly went back to work on Tuesday, and only to realize that I was still not well when I was at my workstation. Thankfully for great colleagues who had forced me to go back home, I obliged, only to be reassured by bringing home my work laptop, in hopes to do some work. The good news is, I did not do any work. Honestly, why was I feeling miserable for falling sick for reasons other than the sickness itself? Just because I was not able to complete some paper work? And had to re-schedule my clients? I learnt that even in this line of job, health remains the main priority. So instead, I spent some time reading a book, watching a Nicholas Sparks movie and my Korean dramas, and getting inspired by other things other than work-related stuff.

And since I've been hit with the flu bug on Friday, I am feeling at total rest for the weekend. I was reminded of how I have always viewed the flu bug since I was young. I actually liked the flu bug. Of course not the coarse and dry throat that no water could cure instantly, or the nasal voice, or the phlegm, or the chills, but I like how my body slows down, how my mind works a little slower, a little less sharper - it is as if my mind is in this process of emptying itself. Which rarely happen because my mind has the potential to be in this state of convoluted organized mess (as how I want to see it) - filled up with, unfortunately, now, predominantly work. I do not blame my job. In fact, I love my job, but as a caseworker dealing with people's lives, their stories do fill up some corners of my brain (definitely a signal to improve my way of managing work and my ability to separate work and life).

When I was younger, each time I was down with a flu, I tend to watch "You've Got Mail", one of my favourite romantic comedies. I love the interactions and the chemistry between Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks in this movie. It's either that, or other romance/comedy films. This correlation seemed interesting, because this was usually the case when I felt sick. In my weakest, most vulnerable state, it is as if I have this desire to want to connect with my emotions. Not to say that I am very distant from my emotional self, I am very much in tune with my emotions, but this desire seemed far greater when I am sick, when I am least guarded, and when my inner voices nagging at the back of my mind are turned off.

When the body breaks down, it signals for rest. To rest the body and mind. And in this process of my mind emptying itself, this weary soul desires it to make more room for something greater. It is as if it is whispering, hello there universe, inspire me.

This soul needs to be re-awakened.