Sakinah Abdul Aziz

Kipling's poem shall be one of the things I will put up at my desk.  Sometimes we forget these things. If If you can keep your head when all about you Are losing theirs and blaming it on you; If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you, But make allowance for their doubting too. If you can wait and not be tired by waiting, Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies, Or being hated don't give way to hating, And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise; If you can dream---and not make dreams your master; If you can think---and not make thoughts your aim, If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster And treat those two impostors just the same. If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools, Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken, And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools. If you can make one heap of all your winnings And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss, And lose, and star...

The one bitter truth about life is, it does not stop to wait for anyone. The world is spinning, people are moving on, and you still find yourself stuck somewhere. And you watch as the world passes by without you, leaving you behind. And it's not because you cannot keep up, you don't want to. It's because you need to be stationary for awhile. You need to stop, to rest your feet, to rejuvenate yourself, and most importantly, to stabilize yourself. In this process, it is only easy to be lured into moving forward because that is what everyone else is doing. "Why am I still here?". You peer out. The world is still the same without you. The world goes on. People are walking, people are passing you by, people are moving on. Block all the external noise out and focus on yourself. And look inward. Look within yourself. That's where you need to go. Tell yourself, that this journey is yours, and yours alone. And it never should have been measured against the external...

The best thing about the monsoon season is that you can never fail to notice if a day is a bright, sunny, beautiful day. Like yesterday. It didn't rain the whole day and I could get back to the office from lunch without having to cab back because of a sudden heavy downpour, which was usually the case for these past few weeks. It is such a rarity to see a clear blue sky here and a couple of my colleagues and I were just gazing at the sky. There were really white, fluffy clouds and the best thing about clouds is they could be anything you make them out to be, anything you want them to be. And the warmth was so comforting yesterday, I just wanted to stay out in the afternoon if I could.

What struck me as an interesting phenomenon I stumbled into last week was how an untouched tupperware of pineapple tarts is almost empty right now as I'm typing this. That poor tupperware has been resting on the television cabinet for 2 months. All I had to do was to bring it into the study room so I could start munching on some while watching my Korean drama and then leave it there next to the computer. And for the next few days, voil à , alm ost half of tarts were eaten. Of course, by everyone else at home. All I had to do, was to make it more reachable, more visible. And these pineapple tarts were so good, soft tart shells and really sweet fillings. There has been claims of 'out of sight, out of mind' phenomenon which I cannot completely attest to because there cannot be things we can completely get rid of despite the physical absence. Things such as memories. But on the flipside, we can make things more salient if we push them enough to exist within our attention span...

I don't know about you. But this letter, always, moves, me. All the time. All the same. It's Sunday, it's dark and gloomy and cold. Perfect setting for a sad love story.

I've been waking up on Saturday mornings with soreness at random areas due to the Friday cardio sessions I signed up for with 18 other female colleagues during work lunchtime. It has been 3 sessions so far. It has been pretty intensive, particularly the first session. I had never shook so much. The one thing the instructor loves saying the most which has been constantly repeated is; "Squeeze your buttcheeks, ladies!". Be it whether we're working out our abs, or arms or thighs, somehow the butts are involved. We better have toned asses by the end of the year. Nyehehehehe.

Trust your wound to a Teacher’s surgery. Flies collect on a wound. They cover it, those flies of your self-protecting feelings, your love for what you think is yours. Let a Teacher wave away the flies and put a plaster on the wound. Don’t turn your head. Keep looking at the bandaged place. That’s where the Light enters you. And don’t believe for a moment that you’re healing yourself. - Rumi

I think the last time I felt so stressed was probably the final 2 weeks of school. Until today. It was a highly challenging day where due to unfortunate, unforeseen circumstances I was informed at the very, very, very, very, very last minute anyone can ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever imagine, to sit in for a very important appointment, which can possibly, well, affect my future, or the next couple of years at least. I do have the tendency to be dramatic, but trust me, anyone could go bonkers being in my shoes today. That, interrupting me while I was in a middle of a highly engaging motivational course on motivating others I was so paying attention for and some coffee-stained papers to add to the drama as a result of a delayed stress response. Praying for a good outcome anyhow. :D

We seldom really experience some moments in their entirety until we are being pushed to be subjected to them and to face them head-on. These are the moments where we find ourselves struggling to escape but there are no exit signs in sight. Like not really knowing what a heavy rain means until we've experienced being caught in a heavy downpour in the middle of nowhere, with no nearby shelter and no cabs that would stop for us. And to feel extremely drenched to the point where our clothes stick to our skin. Or like not really knowing how much misery loves company, until we land ourselves in some stupid mess or problems which may require us to start all over again to clean them up. Or like not really knowing how long 5 minutes can be, until we were told at the very last minute, to do a presentation in front of so many people, unprepared. Or like not really knowing what fear is, until we are eye-to-eye with whatever it is that we are scared to death for. We seldom really exp...

This song has been my anthem for the past Fridays. Love the craziness of the video! The Cure is awesome. I don't care if Monday's blue Tuesday's gray and Wednesday too Thursday, I don't care about you It's Friday, I'm in love. Monday, you can fall apart Tuesday, Wednesday break my heart Oh, Thursday doesn't even start It's Friday, I'm in love. Saturday, wait And Sunday, always comes too late But Friday, never hesitate. I don't care if Monday's black Tuesday, Wednesday - heart attack Thursday, never looking back It's Friday, I'm in love. Monday, you can hold your head Tuesday, Wednesday stay in bed Or Thursday - watch the walls instead It's Friday, I'm in love.

I made myself read The Perks of Being A Wallflower before catching it at the movies last week. It's the kind of book that is predominantly mysterious, but as you read on, things slowly start to unravel. The movie was good, but it wasn't half as sad as a reader can probably feel from reading the book. You might just feel like offering Charlie a hug, not because being a wallflower is pathetic, it's not. It's actually good because he sees things from the outside and he observes so much. But because you know how much it will mean to Charlie to be noticed and accepted. “There’s something about that tunnel that leads to downtown. It’s glorious at night. Just glorious. You start on one side of the mountain, and it’s dark, and the radio is loud. As you enter the tunnel, the wind get’s sucked away, and you squint from the lights overhead. When you adjust to the lights, you can see the other side in the distance just as the sound of the radio fades to nothing because the wave...

I must say that my last week of October was eventful. There were days that were enriching, and there were days that were fun-filled. Things at work underwent major restructuring and there was a huge event where everyone came together as one, one last time. Didn't sign up for any activities on that day, but spontaneously ended up learning introductory Salsa and did archery. Super duper fun. Caught David Cook live. I was really contented because he played about like, 10 songs. I must say it was worth waiting 2 hours for him to finally appear on stage. Thanks to a close friend who asked me to come along and follow her for this event because she's a major David Cook fan. The last time I saw him was through a video conferencing the same friend won tickets for. Was invited for an interfaith dialogue (Islam-Judaism) at a synagogue. Very eye-opening as I've never stepped into one before, and I certainly have never met or spoken to a rabbi before. Had kosher food, and of course...

Come, come, whoever you are.  Wanderer, worshipper, lover of leaving.  It doesn't matter.  Ours is not a caravan of despair. Come, even if you have broken your vows a thousand times.  Come, yet again, come, come. ― Rumi Yet again, another Rumi poem :)