Sakinah Abdul Aziz

There's nothing quite like the journey into ourselves. The internal world is as wondrous as the external world, if not more. It is the product of the mind, heart and soul. It gives us power and control for only we have access to navigate and nurture our internal world. This beautiful inward journey of self discovery expands horizons and enhances imagination. It tantalises the mind to play with ideas and becomes our permanent playroom to be free and perhaps to feel invincible. For this world cannot be tarnished by the constantly fluctuating state of the external world. How would one get restless with ever such an active and occupied internal world? In the pursuit to traverse the ends of this earth, I was reminded of how wonderful it is to traverse within myself and to be drawn into the inner world of others. There's nothing else that is more honourable than being a humble guest of your inner world. For this world, is limitless.

Not the first time but the paddlepop sunset today never fail to mesmerise me with its art. Orange meets lavender. It makes me wonder why tend to appreciate splashes of colours being put together on a canvas more than just a dash of solid colour. Art is testament to the notion of the sum being greater than the parts in isolation. And this is nature's way of reminding how its course is naturally to not only co exist but to mingle and intersect. And that all of creation within this universe in its entirety is made up of interwoven fabric. From the vibration of the minute molecules to human interactions of all kinds- man with the environment, with nature, with animals and plants, within urban landscapes. Of all the knowldge in the world that has been passed down and shared. Of ideas coming together waiting to be materialised and realised in concrete terms. To be in isolation is to just exist. But to thrive requires work in building a right mix -  to have a deeper level of ass...

Have you ever experienced a period in your life whereby everything just feels so off balance? You've always been a tea person and never depended on coffee for energy. And then all of a sudden you depend on caffeine alot more lately and then suffer from the aftermath jitters. You advocated against instant noodles but you find yourself succumbing and eating them alot more often lately. You feel further away from God and you procrastinate prayers. All you want to do when you return home is to sleep because you are just so so exhausted. You turn on your favourite sheikh on YouTube and don't get the same spiritual high. You fall sick ever so often and you forgot what is fun anymore. People are asking why you have been looking so sick and tired. People are asking are you okay? When you said yes you're just tired they don't believe you. But that's because you really are lethargic. You are more than lethargic. You are in a stupor. You feel that you need at least a week of s...

If I could blow bubbles And watch them burst upon touch If I could stare at the sun And risk my eyes being scorched If my hands reach out to the clouds Only to collect wisps of air If I attempt to run after my shadows And tire myself from this futile affair If I could smell the fragrance of roses And watch the petals crumble into pieces If in a moment of despair and sorrow I seek in the comfort, they may not last till tomorrow If I could taste sweetness on my tongue Diminishing gradually into nothingness If I had learnt the intricate connection Between expectations and disappointments If some days look like triumph Other days I retire home defeated If I thought I had a taste of the throne To be brought back to my own position If I try to linger and cling onto a moment Before moments fade into memory If I thought I had finally found true love Only to learn that he was temporary If I chase sunsets after sunsets Endeavouring an unquenchable quest If this world ca...

As an avid dreamer, I've always found myself falling in love with ideas, ideals, dreams and possibilities. It can be great when there is a need for optimism and ideas to bounce around. But it opposes me as well. They are like clouds floating above my heads, beyond my reach. They aren't anything concrete nor tangible. At the end of the day, they stick to being in their original and their only forms; they remain being ideas and they are not something I can physically hold on to, see or touch. I thought that thinking about endless possibilities means that I'm pushing boundaries and expanding horizons. I thought this meant that I am open to anything that inspires me, be it theories, concepts, ideas, possibilities. I thought that perhaps not putting any limits helps me to go farther in life. But the very idea of falling in love with ideas and possibilities itself is limiting because my mind is limited. They are what I think is possible, they are ideas borne out of what I can po...

Human beings have 2 distinct natures that are often confused and seen as one. The first nature is what we call 'tabi'ah'. To survive a physical experience on this planet, we have a physical body that is driven by an animal-like instinct and this nature that we call 'tabi'ah'. Its purpose is to drive the human body to keep him in survival mode in existence. Tabi'ah seeks pleasure, flees pain and fights for survival. This is driven by selfishness. Tabi'ah does not last. We are also wired with a more innate nature, divinely ingrained nature called fitrah that is unique in human beings. Fitrah is that which drives your soul. Fitrah is selfless. Fitrah is lasting. Fitrah is the compass within you. You can change it, you can deny it but it's still there. Tabi'ah cannot comprehend things like justice, fairness, equity, this is for fitrah to understand. But tabi'ah cannot be taken out from us. It demands from us to be fulfilled. Tabi'ah and fit...

The one universal need we all share in common with is the need to feel grounded and anchored in something. The sense of grounding indicates that no matter how strong the storm comes, we cannot be swayed. We all are looking around for this sense of purpose. Like the deep roots of the trees, we want to have a sense of rootedness and a place in this world. It's easy to ignore this need. Sometimes this need manifests and even disguises itself as something else. And then we forget about it because this manifestation of this need has been fulfilled by something else. And the deeper roots remain unnourished and unattended.

Here's what I plan to do.  I really just want to leave you. But dang it's so hard. I wish I could leave you. Each time I leave, and you follow me through, its like carrying a sack of rice upon my back. I truly hate the fact that you cannot stay still on my desk. Why couldn't you? Is it because I'm not good enough to draw the boundaries? Should I consider divorcing you then? Talak 3.

I had a sudden revelation about doors when I entered the lift to get home just now. Each time both lifts are on the first floor, I'd always choose to enter the one with the doors opened. I've always done that since I was really young. Even when the nearer door is closed, I'd still choose to walk through the other opened one. It was this incident which made me think about how naturally it is for me to feel welcomed to enter somewhere with doors already opened. It really made me reflect about the bigger picture and how I've been navigating my life thus far. Perhaps I had always been asking for the things which aren't meant for me or aren't happening as it's not its due time. Perhaps I had always been knocking on these closed doors which aren't opened as yet for me, and I still keep knocking on them and waiting for them to be open. Maybe I could just cease wanting to get through these closed doors (surely after several attempts). Perhaps I shou...