My Core Values

A close friend posed a question over WhatsApp, "What are your core values?". I can't remember a time when friends ask each other such a deep and fundamental question. I tend to think more intentionally about my values when I'm prompted to do so such as in work training settings, seminars etc. This question set me to immediately pen down some notes on Microsoft Word, a great opportunity to write a reflection piece where I can reevaluate and reassess my values intentionally.

I decide to publish this today as a reminder to myself. What a great time now during the holy month of Ramadan to pen these down. Here are my answers to this question. 

My core values: 

 1) Authenticity – Being true to myself entails aligning my actions with my worldviews, beliefs and thoughts, saying what I mean and meaning what I say, as well as recognising and respecting my boundaries. This relates to the values of integrity and vulnerability as well. I aspire to remain authentic in my interactions with people, in workplaces and most importantly, with myself (by remaining true to myself). This means that I strive to avoid people-pleasing, which I tend to do a lot in my younger years, especially over-accommodating to the needs of others. If I am uncomfortable in doing something or saying "yes" to something, I need to be brave to say "no". If I disagree with someone (depending on situations of course) and have a strong desire to share something important, I need to pluck up the courage to share my perspectives without fearing this may change the relationship dynamics. This also relates to feeling safe in that particular relationship/friendship. If I am not being authentic, I know that this can attract people who don't know or see the real me, but instead a facade that I'm responsible for creating. To me, this is the biggest hindrance towards forming deep authentic relationships and intimacy. Being true to myself functions as a filter where it sieves those who are more aligned and accepting for who I am (including my flaws, faults, whatnots), and those who aren't. This is still work in progress, but penning this down would help as a crucial reminder.

2) Faith & Spirituality – This relates to being connected to something that is larger than ourselves, in my case that is the Divine (God) and allowing myself to relate to the world on the soul level that goes beyond the physical and material. Even in my personal non-religious experiences, it is important to connect to things that are of intangible and transcend-able nature. 

3) Justice – Everything has its rights and dues from the intra-personal level to interpersonal and the wider societal level. For example, giving our body its due rest (when we overwork ourselves), treating our mind, body and soul with care (self-care, being kind to self), treating others in a just manner (treat others the same way we wish to be treated), calling out when we witness events unfolding unfairly and in unjust manners, treating Mother Earth with care (specifically referring to the environment, nature and everything that reside in it including animals and other beings). I'm driven by this core value knowing that human beings have been endowed with intellect and free will, and this suggests that we are accountable and responsible for our actions in every way (even in how we treat ourselves) and are subject to consequences whether they are immediate or delayed. Unfortunately for this value, I still fall short sometimes when pace of life drags you into that whole routine, but this is definitely work in progress where there are areas of improvement I can work on.

4) Growth – Related to this value is also the value of openness to learning. To me, life is a series of rising and falling. And I believe growth is defined by that. We cannot grow, when we experience life always on the high constantly. And when we experience the low constantly or stagnate, we know that the only way is back up! The only way to grow is to experience losses, low points, lull periods of stagnation, discomfort and pain. For example, having a difficult conversation with my partner or my boss can be so daunting and challenging, but it’s this discomfort that can pave the way towards growth in that relationship. When we experience these things, we can try to remind ourselves that this is an opportunity for growth, change and further learning experiences. We can never stop learning - this can be learning and growing in many different aspects too and we can be creative in how we wish to grow.

5) Simplicity – There is a lot of meaning in living simply and minimally. This includes having lesser things materially, disconnecting from technology and being present, living sustainably, and deriving contentment and fulfilment in value-based pursuits and meaningful things - through relationships, experiential pursuits, learning and growth. It’s ok to have and own material things and even work towards them, but we need to remind ourselves that that’s not the end (but a means). Same like technology too, that we use it as a tool, rather than organising our entire day routine around technology. Simplicity for me means you can have a fulfilling life without having more, but with less when it comes to experiences and moments. For example, doing lesser tasks with more focus, delaying responses to digital notifications, having more quality friends than quantity, living overall with lesser stimulations with a few ones that can engage you deeply. Therefore, simplicity also entails slowing down, processing our inner and external worlds a lot more, reflecting and introspecting, and living an overall high quality life that isn’t defined by the number of things you do, but how deep you experience those moments (tied to mindfulness and being present, and connected with ourselves). I feel that this is a constant work in progress for me, but aligning myself with people with similar values and reminding myself helps! I’ve been shaped by living here where I have a quieter and simpler life (due to not having an active social life) to live more simply and be more contented and fulfilled in what I already have. This core value also ties in with values of gratitude and humility. 

Values I aspire towards and see importance in:

1) Humility – I believe that this core value is so important but remains to be challenging to practise all the time. We find ourselves thinking we know better, we are morally better and anything along these lines. Humility is also important when we come face-to-face with others whom we may have disagreements with. Remaining humble entails suspending our judgements temporarily in order to gain a deeper understanding from the lenses of others. Therefore, humility is also related to values of growth and openness - where we allow ourselves to remain open to possibilities, alternative viewpoints, and just leaning into the idea that really, we are not all that. This in turn facilitates the process of growth and learning. This core value also ties very closely to faith and spirituality for me, whereby we are only on this earth for a short time and everything is fleeting. A King can be blessed with an abundance of wealth yet God can easily take his wealth away, and he can easily become a poor person and a beggar. Everything that we supposedly possess and own, are from God, including our success, status, wealth, sustenance. We are on loan. Reminding ourselves of this helps to ground ourselves and remaining contented for what we have. This core value is also linked to another core value of gratitude.

2) Patience – This value is important but it remains to be challenging for me as well! Having patience means having faith and trust that our affairs are taken care of it in its due time as long as we practise forbearance and diligence on our part. This remains to be a challenging balancing act, whereby we straddle between putting in a lot of work and effort, and knowing when to let go of control. Personally, I like having some form of control over many things – this can come in forms of planning something, anticipating something that may come my way and preparing for them, wanting and insisting things to go in a certain way. Letting go of control also stems from practising the value of wisdom, whereby we have faith that things unfold themselves in their due course. Patience is also tied to gratitude. When times are rough and when we find ourselves being tested, we need to remind ourselves to be grateful for what we have, and what we have already been doing is good enough. Again, to act and practise this core value can be a big challenge, and I hope to slowly practise this by taking breaks from intense or highly charged situations, pausing and taking new perspectives before going back to the drawing board.