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Life in Lockdown: An Affirmation of My Simple Life

I've had far too many unpublished drafts on this blog about my experiences living in London. Perhaps when I've managed to muster the energy to properly structure and finish those writings, you would be able to see them in my earlier posts. Most of them would include my observations from sociological lenses - how living in inner city London affects my expressions of identity and my sense of belonging in this new world. From time to time, I struggle with not having the social capital and routine I was so used to having back in Singapore. This easily includes close friends I get to meet occasionally and the interest groups and communities I can fall back on. A few of my close friends would know this struggle I face. I suppose to a large extent, I have gotten used to living a very much quiet life in London. It is not exactly always the same like the life I had in Birmingham because now I have my husband by my side. Having a job here in London and sharing my struggles with a colleague who has now become a close friend helps. And I should be grateful for this as a start.

But in many ways, I don't really have anyone else to speak to or hang out with physically after work or on weekends, with the exception of husband, family, husband's friends, my colleague-friend and phone/video call with few friends in Singapore. Outside working hours, my days are usually spent at home - preparing home-cooked meals which I have come to love a lot, watching shows, reading books, discussions and just playful banters with husband, going out on our weekly date nights, grocery shopping on weekends and cycling. I also got involved in an internship programme on Saturdays which I later find it to be pretty crappy due to poor planning of the programme and a waste of my skills perhaps. I hope to slowly get out of it as it has indeed been a waste of my Saturdays. I did also try to attend events which interest me too. Sometime early this year, a friend back in Singapore also connected me to a Singaporean who works in London, and she also happens to live not too far from me. That could be a budding friendship too, I hope. But my point is that, I suppose on many levels, I live a very quiet and simple life here in London. And undeniably, I do feel low once in awhile when I feel like I would like to have a familiar friend to have a cuppa coffee with, or have a community to fall back on. It feels like everyone else seems to have it together, living a much more happening life than me. But then again, perhaps things are only about to begin for me, and I need to be extra patient.

When the world came to a halt during this Covid-19 pandemic, being under lockdown doesn't really change my everyday routine. Pre-covid period, I am already working from home one to two days per week thanks to my company's flexible work-from-home arrangements. I find that this helps me to have a much slower start to the day which impacts my mood positively. I am usually home bound apart from the few social gatherings, leisure activities and errands. Life was almost the same for me pre-covid and during covid lockdown. Some people are not comfortable with being cooped at home for long periods of time. I can understand how uncomfortable and anxiety-inducing it is. On the macro systemic levels, I can understand how lockdowns can impact so many people, in particular those on the margins and the vulnerable. But honestly for me, I feel fine because it doesn't change my life drastically. 

This made me to ponder, why is it that lockdowns back in Singapore and internationally soothe me? Why is it that life in lockdown made me feel strangely better emotionally? Something about this sentiment doesn't feel right. I wonder deep down if it is a lot to do with the FOMO I experienced in pre-covid period that affects my emotional well-being.

Perhaps I felt like my simple and quiet life I have so far in London hasn't been enough and I was constantly comparing it against the life I used to have back in Singapore or the life my family and friends have based on their posts on social media. It feels like I'm being left behind when everyone's world seems to be happening and buzzing. When everyone was made to stay at home and slow down, I feel like we are finally on an equal playing field, the ball game I have become so good at since I lived abroad, where I thrive being indoors and in quietude. Because I can thrive above the situation, I can cope, it made me realise that there is nothing wrong with having a quiet and simple life. I just need to quieten the noise inside my head that wants to compare it against others. I need to learn to focus on what I have presently, and give myself due credits for managing the new world I am still navigating. 

My life is enough - it brings contentment, growth and meaning - the very values I find important. I hope that once life starts to return to normality, I remember to be grateful for these things I deem as "simple". The shelter I have above my head, the food we can afford which nourishes our body, mind and soul, the companion and best friend I have in my husband, my job, my intellect, creativity and agency, and the few people who value my friendship with them. I am enough, and this life is more than enough.

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