Time flies and it's already 1st July. Just 2 more weeks before I'm packing my bags again to embark on big milestones. It has been rather challenging to articulate certain things and to feel understood. When I left for Birmingham last September, what people saw is how amazing that journey would be. Yes of course there are those amazing elements, I can't deny how my 8 months away have shifted my perspectives in so many ways and how much I have learnt. Sometimes people don't see the struggles, risks and costs that come with that decision. Leaving my job, being away from home, starting anew and self-funding comes with many sacrifices. Similarly, choosing a relationship that is unconventional and the other aspects that come along with that isn't easy either. Moving, settling and living in a new city isn't easy. I can understand why people desire and romanticize these images. But at the same time there's so much flaw in that outlook because we tend to see just the highlights without recognising the processes and work one has to put in order to get there. I suppose my disappointment comes with how I am not seen enough for these processes I have to take but instead just for the "end goal" of the journey I'm about to embark. And because of that, one may think I've "got it all" and decide that I don't need to be given enough attention or care (though I'm aware my perception may be biased). But disappointment teaches me to learn to be thankful with what I have and to see what's most important in these processes. I'm thankful for the care and support given and meaningful meetings thus far in this short period of time I'm back. InshaAllah hope it will be a journey that is worth sailing for all its ups and downs and opportunities for growth.
It has been more than 2 years since I published anything on this blog. I have written a few reflections quite abit during this time, but they are mostly in draft versions, probably reflective of the scatteredness of my thought processes, or the ongoing engagement with the topic which has yet found a proper resolve (or is there ever a resolve really?), or just me finding mere words to articulate my thoughts that are waiting to be entertained and possibly verbalised or written. I'm driven to write this post precisely because I can't entirely ignore the nagging voice inside my head, telling me to use writing as a tool to not only express myself, but to reclaim my voice. It is such an insanely noisy world. The constant stream of information from different online platforms not only pull me from various directions, but it spreads my attention too thin that it is impossible to follow one stream of thought, sit on it for awhile, slowly reflect and if possible, articulate it. It is not ...
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