Time flies and it's already 1st July. Just 2 more weeks before I'm packing my bags again to embark on big milestones. It has been rather challenging to articulate certain things and to feel understood. When I left for Birmingham last September, what people saw is how amazing that journey would be. Yes of course there are those amazing elements, I can't deny how my 8 months away have shifted my perspectives in so many ways and how much I have learnt. Sometimes people don't see the struggles, risks and costs that come with that decision. Leaving my job, being away from home, starting anew and self-funding comes with many sacrifices. Similarly, choosing a relationship that is unconventional and the other aspects that come along with that isn't easy either. Moving, settling and living in a new city isn't easy. I can understand why people desire and romanticize these images. But at the same time there's so much flaw in that outlook because we tend to see just the highlights without recognising the processes and work one has to put in order to get there. I suppose my disappointment comes with how I am not seen enough for these processes I have to take but instead just for the "end goal" of the journey I'm about to embark. And because of that, one may think I've "got it all" and decide that I don't need to be given enough attention or care (though I'm aware my perception may be biased). But disappointment teaches me to learn to be thankful with what I have and to see what's most important in these processes. I'm thankful for the care and support given and meaningful meetings thus far in this short period of time I'm back. InshaAllah hope it will be a journey that is worth sailing for all its ups and downs and opportunities for growth.
Sometimes I get so weird I even freak myself out I laugh myself to sleep it's my lullaby Sometimes I drive so fast Just to feel the danger I want to scream it makes me feel alive To walk within the lines Would make my life so boring I want to know that I have been to the extreme So knock me off my feet Come on now, give it to me Anything to make me feel alive Is it enough to love? Is it enough to breathe? Somebody rip my heart out And leave me here to bleed Is it enough to die? Somebody save my life I'd rather be anything but ordinary please I'd rather be anything but ordinary please Let down your defenses Use no common sense If you look, you will see That this world is a beautiful, accident Turbulent, succulent, opulent Permanent, no way I wanna taste it Don't wanna waste it away yeah, yeah Sometimes I get so weird I even freak myself out I laugh myself to sleep it's my lullaby I'd rather be anything but ordinary please
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