Quietude

One of the things that has become a part of my lived reality living abroad is the reduced noise - probably in every sense and meaning of it. Besides the literal meaning of noise, which is quite a given considering that I live in a quieter neighbourhood with lesser number of constant people I have in my physical life, I am really far from the noise and conversations from people back at home. Yes, I do have exchanges with them through video calls and text messages from time to time. But it's really not the same, though I'm aware that what I'm perceiving is something imagined and may not be the full reality. Particularly when it comes to friendships. Sometimes it feels like I'm always the last to know about things, sometimes I'm not even aware about anything at all, unless my friends choose to tell me the things they want to tell me or I see some updates on the social media. But back in Singapore, because we are in touch from time to time, it feels like I get almost the full dips of things and their lives. And also because we ask each other out when it comes to doing certain activities or going for events, I consider that as a check-in in itself. Because I am no longer in Singapore, no one could ask me out - no questions about weekends or Friday night plans, no questions about future travel plans, no questions about after-work chill at a restaurant or cafe. The scope of our text conversations become reduced just like that.

The funny thing is, I don't feel left out, but it just only makes me realise how far I am from the world of buzz I used to come from. It makes me realise the difference - although I am not implying it is necessarily a positive or a negative thing either. Because of this phenomenon, it makes me feel like I am actually living in my own little world, dealing with the primary material challenges of a masters student writing papers day after day, and basically the humdrum domestic experiences of cooking, cleaning, and just chilling with myself in this quiet life. If I could draw a diagram, the noise in Singapore would be a circle which includes many people, whereas being here in Birmingham, the circle basically got reduced to a tiny one, which only revolves around me. It feels strange, maybe a little sad, or sometimes seen as a blessing because ignorance is bliss. It's a strange thing to analyse. It's the reminder from the world that of course, the world will keep going, even when it feels like I am slowing down and moving miles away from home. It kind of gives me a reminder that anyone can easily be forgotten temporarily, when they are physically far. It makes me feel like I need to enlarge this mini circle which only revolves around me, and start from scratch to build the few people I could feel home with here in the UK.