At the turn of 30, I never thought I had to navigate an area I thought I had already come to terms with before and addressed back then in my early - mid 20s. Could it be because I'm far away from everything I've known to be familiar with which drove me to reevaluate certain things again? It is nonetheless necessary to reevaluate and have multiple checkpoints, especially when I'm responding to a new environment, to new situations I would otherwise have not been in.
I have been gruelling with the process of managing my own expectations of others. Somehow when you're far away, your expectations on people back at home seem more inflated in their importance than they were before. I've always taken the position that we are responsible for our own emotions, therefore when I feel slightly let down by some people, the problem lies within me and I need to regulate my emotions better. If I feel upset with someone, then I need to question myself - how could I make myself less affected and less upset? It is not his/her problem to fulfil my expected expectations of them. Wasn't I the one who needs to reduce my expectations of them? Should I then subsequently banish the whole notion of expectations on others? Isn't it human to fall short and make mistakes? Even I myself could unintentionally disappoint and let others down because of my own fallibilities.
I am a little torn when it comes to this issue. Although in theory I do hold on to this position very strongly, it is very difficult to put these regulation methods into practice because of my humanly flaws such as recognising the imbalances in the relationship, doubting if the person would show up for me the same way I have been showing up for the person and if I mean the same to the person. I also recognise the complexity of my situation considering the many other factors which affect this, such as the challenges in keeping up or catching up through online methods, and I'm also aware of the time differences and other hoops to jump when it comes to long-distance relationships.
My way of attaining balance in this area still pretty much relies on my initial position when it comes to expectations - that at the heart of it, I need to be the one to take responsibility in regulating my emotions and adjusting my internal demands. This means taking actions which would help me cope better, such as avoiding and removing myself from situations I know would subject me to disappointments. This also means being aware of my own capabilities and thus take control over how I could deal with my emotions reasonably. This includes finding healthier ways of expression i.e. this blog and sharing with people who care, as outlets. Hopefully with time, I would learn to deal better with disappointments and letdowns. But at this stage, perhaps being in more controlled situations could buy me time to hone this skill. I have learnt how fragile our mental health could be, especially when I'm abroad now and this state of things. The steps I've taken concertedly and will be taking, are my means to reclaim my own mental health.
I have been gruelling with the process of managing my own expectations of others. Somehow when you're far away, your expectations on people back at home seem more inflated in their importance than they were before. I've always taken the position that we are responsible for our own emotions, therefore when I feel slightly let down by some people, the problem lies within me and I need to regulate my emotions better. If I feel upset with someone, then I need to question myself - how could I make myself less affected and less upset? It is not his/her problem to fulfil my expected expectations of them. Wasn't I the one who needs to reduce my expectations of them? Should I then subsequently banish the whole notion of expectations on others? Isn't it human to fall short and make mistakes? Even I myself could unintentionally disappoint and let others down because of my own fallibilities.
I am a little torn when it comes to this issue. Although in theory I do hold on to this position very strongly, it is very difficult to put these regulation methods into practice because of my humanly flaws such as recognising the imbalances in the relationship, doubting if the person would show up for me the same way I have been showing up for the person and if I mean the same to the person. I also recognise the complexity of my situation considering the many other factors which affect this, such as the challenges in keeping up or catching up through online methods, and I'm also aware of the time differences and other hoops to jump when it comes to long-distance relationships.
My way of attaining balance in this area still pretty much relies on my initial position when it comes to expectations - that at the heart of it, I need to be the one to take responsibility in regulating my emotions and adjusting my internal demands. This means taking actions which would help me cope better, such as avoiding and removing myself from situations I know would subject me to disappointments. This also means being aware of my own capabilities and thus take control over how I could deal with my emotions reasonably. This includes finding healthier ways of expression i.e. this blog and sharing with people who care, as outlets. Hopefully with time, I would learn to deal better with disappointments and letdowns. But at this stage, perhaps being in more controlled situations could buy me time to hone this skill. I have learnt how fragile our mental health could be, especially when I'm abroad now and this state of things. The steps I've taken concertedly and will be taking, are my means to reclaim my own mental health.
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