Today marks one month since I arrived in the UK. Definitely am feeling more settled than I was two weeks and even a week ago. Taking a walk in the nearby park when the sun was shining yesterday was an opportunity I could not miss. For the first time here, I feel so much peace and joy, and that moment convinced me more than ever that my element is truly being under the canopy of trees (with blue skies and some sunshine). I spent alot of time outdoors in Singapore, I suppose that contributed alot to this inclination and preference. But in that element, I feel so much love. Even more so in the form that autumn allows these tall beings to be where I could witness leaves leaving them and joining many others that become this beautiful carpet of dried, crispy leaves I was walking on. Every leaf is beautiful - the orange ones, the yellow, the green, the brown, the red. The most fascinating are the ones with a gradient of colours, once again reminding me what transformation and change could look like, and the beauty of that process. I'm still adjusting to change, but I know that I'm not alone being under these canopy of trees.
This is difficult to write, but it's definitely an important one amidst all the conversations we've been having lately. Growing up being brown/Malay wasn't easy, especially when it became ingrained in me that having a darker skin tone by default, is less desired than fairer skin tones. In childhood, I couldn't recall having to endure comments about my skin colour. Thankfully amongst children, these values ascribed to lightness and darkness didn't yet come to the fore. This consciousness became more obvious since secondary school. And it was tough and painful. I've been in a sports CCA since secondary school and I couldn't really avoid not becoming tanned. What hurts the most was even my peers at that time would make comments about my skin colour without even realising the damage caused from these words. These comments I recall, were sometimes made under the guise of humour. I was called 'budak hitam' (literally means 'black child') and even ...
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