The fluctuating nature of faith

My first week of Ramadan has been about unpacking faith, head on. Faith is often portrayed so beautifully, as though it is an ideal state - untainted, divine, perfect when in reality, it fluctuates, with tides and waves and seasons. I believe that our relationship with faith is deeply personal, multifaceted and complex. Hence, I'm more inclined to believe that markers of 'faith' would go beyond norms or external standards, especially during this holy month when there is greater emphasis on rewards and deeds. This isn't to undermine the merits of acts of worship (which could take on various forms) or setting of personal goals or the desire to do better, but recognizing that faith is a process in itself, a personal journey which isn't only confined to the dimensions of action/inaction but also in thinking and reflecting about the difficult questions and most importantly, in approaching ourselves authentically and facing our fallibility and flaws (in essence, our humanness) head on. It involves wrestling with inquiry, introspection, self-examination and doubt. Neither should the marker of faith be mere feelings of spiritual high, but rather, recognising that these feelings are possible by-products of that journey of seeking faith. Hence it is in this journey of faith that it is prone to fall, to be messy, to be stagnant, to look ugly, and isn't self-affirming or feel good all the time. Again, this too doesn't mean that one is lacking faith, but only through exploring faith on a deeper level do we discover these imperfections.

 I stumbled upon this quote from one of my favourite books, The 40 Rules of Love, by Elif Shafak, which resonates my reflections and contemplation on the essence of faith:

In this world, it is not similarities or regularities that take us a step forward, but blunt opposites. And all the opposites in the universe are present within each and every one of us. Therefore the believer needs to meet the unbeliever residing within. And the nonbeliever should get to know the silent faithful in him. Until the day one reaches the stage of Insane-I Kamil, the perfect human being, faith is a gradual process and one that necessitates its seeming opposite: disbelief.