There are days when you feel like crawling into a deep hole, to stay there and to never leave. And you just want to let the world spin without you and you'd be more than happy to be missing out on it.
I think this phenomenon is worth investigating; the one-week, delayed PMS.
If there is such a thing, really.
I have been having half-written entries stuck in my postings. I also realised that my blogging style has been pretty cryptic most of the time (or I try to be as much as I could). And if you don't think that my entries have been cryptic in nature, then I've failed to be a cryptic blogger as I aspired to be when I first started this. So anyway, it's about time I should publish something and not let this be stuck, halfway-written like some others.
So anyway, I had a pretty good but tiring start to the semester last week, and perhaps there were just so many things that I feel so damn tired right now. It's as if school never really ended, you forgot that it actually started because school has become this never-ending phase that it is not exactly a phase anymore because it has become a part of you. It is as if the beautiful December not long ago was a huge, colossal black hole. School started with an array of housekeeping issues, and me trying to hunt my ISM supervisor down on what to do next, and typically her, has been unresponsive. And then there's French, the one thing I enjoy learning and it's really amazing to be experiencing this overwhelming joy when I could comprehend Madame's French in class, but when you're thrown with some incomprehensible literary text, you kinda doubt why you love it in the first place. But I guess I'll try to see this difficulty as something pleasantly thrilling. And certainly, the joy of learning is something I always look forward to as a student, especially now when things seem to be more in-depth, more practical and applicable. So hopefully I can graduate saying that I am truly a Psychology major. What make things bleak, difficult and repulsive are really the things that are associated to the things you're passionate about, like the crazy workload that is beyond your means, the assignments that make you lose your sleeping hours, mental and physical drainage, the unsurmountable readings you're attempting to dissect, the pressure to excel, the fear of failing and losing out, and particularly the expectations that are set upon you. So the approach I'm intending to work on for my final semester, and probably the last time as a student (if I don't go on to postgrad), is to really enjoy my classes as if I'll never be assessed, as if there is no such thing as CAP, as if there is no such thing as first-class honours, second-class honours or third-class honours, and as if there is no stress nor pressure. Just me, embracing the complete notion of the pleasure of learning. I would say that this isn't something so easy to do, and thought of a looming grueling battle to achieve all that is killing me already. But I'll work on it.
Another thing that seems pretty daunting and something I've slowly come to realise is the fact that I would be facing major crossroads as well.
And then there are other things. Sometimes you start to question yourself about your quality of life in general, and you try to assess where you stand in the hedonistic sense. And you go through this checklist; your physical aspect, your spiritual well-being, your social life, your family, your emotional well-being and the list goes on. And then you're left wondering if you've really lived life to its fullest. I should know this well enough, that social comparison does no one good. But being aware of this underlying mechanism that is causing all this overthinking is a good start for me to realise that who I am today and the things I've done and experienced are things I have never regretted, and that I have lived life the best as it deserves to be, as it ought to be.
And then there are also the other other things. Things that are beyond your comprehension, your sub-conscious or your unconscious self that you are not able to have access to, but to wait patiently until things present themselves before you. And as of late, I've been really wishing I can read minds, consistent to how others really think we Psychology majors are trained to do. But unfortunately, that misconception indeed remains a misconception.
Guess digging a hole for awhile to bask in nothingness would be nice. That, or if I could have the option of being a kid once again when everything and anything fascinates and having no care about the world. Yesterday a kid just told me that she's going to dissect a frog today and I secretly felt envious of her as she widened her eyes in excitement while telling me that.
Well, whatever it is, it sure feels good to pen these down.
And like the 3 idiots would say, I really hope all is well.
I think this phenomenon is worth investigating; the one-week, delayed PMS.
If there is such a thing, really.
I have been having half-written entries stuck in my postings. I also realised that my blogging style has been pretty cryptic most of the time (or I try to be as much as I could). And if you don't think that my entries have been cryptic in nature, then I've failed to be a cryptic blogger as I aspired to be when I first started this. So anyway, it's about time I should publish something and not let this be stuck, halfway-written like some others.
So anyway, I had a pretty good but tiring start to the semester last week, and perhaps there were just so many things that I feel so damn tired right now. It's as if school never really ended, you forgot that it actually started because school has become this never-ending phase that it is not exactly a phase anymore because it has become a part of you. It is as if the beautiful December not long ago was a huge, colossal black hole. School started with an array of housekeeping issues, and me trying to hunt my ISM supervisor down on what to do next, and typically her, has been unresponsive. And then there's French, the one thing I enjoy learning and it's really amazing to be experiencing this overwhelming joy when I could comprehend Madame's French in class, but when you're thrown with some incomprehensible literary text, you kinda doubt why you love it in the first place. But I guess I'll try to see this difficulty as something pleasantly thrilling. And certainly, the joy of learning is something I always look forward to as a student, especially now when things seem to be more in-depth, more practical and applicable. So hopefully I can graduate saying that I am truly a Psychology major. What make things bleak, difficult and repulsive are really the things that are associated to the things you're passionate about, like the crazy workload that is beyond your means, the assignments that make you lose your sleeping hours, mental and physical drainage, the unsurmountable readings you're attempting to dissect, the pressure to excel, the fear of failing and losing out, and particularly the expectations that are set upon you. So the approach I'm intending to work on for my final semester, and probably the last time as a student (if I don't go on to postgrad), is to really enjoy my classes as if I'll never be assessed, as if there is no such thing as CAP, as if there is no such thing as first-class honours, second-class honours or third-class honours, and as if there is no stress nor pressure. Just me, embracing the complete notion of the pleasure of learning. I would say that this isn't something so easy to do, and thought of a looming grueling battle to achieve all that is killing me already. But I'll work on it.
Another thing that seems pretty daunting and something I've slowly come to realise is the fact that I would be facing major crossroads as well.
And then there are other things. Sometimes you start to question yourself about your quality of life in general, and you try to assess where you stand in the hedonistic sense. And you go through this checklist; your physical aspect, your spiritual well-being, your social life, your family, your emotional well-being and the list goes on. And then you're left wondering if you've really lived life to its fullest. I should know this well enough, that social comparison does no one good. But being aware of this underlying mechanism that is causing all this overthinking is a good start for me to realise that who I am today and the things I've done and experienced are things I have never regretted, and that I have lived life the best as it deserves to be, as it ought to be.
And then there are also the other other things. Things that are beyond your comprehension, your sub-conscious or your unconscious self that you are not able to have access to, but to wait patiently until things present themselves before you. And as of late, I've been really wishing I can read minds, consistent to how others really think we Psychology majors are trained to do. But unfortunately, that misconception indeed remains a misconception.
Guess digging a hole for awhile to bask in nothingness would be nice. That, or if I could have the option of being a kid once again when everything and anything fascinates and having no care about the world. Yesterday a kid just told me that she's going to dissect a frog today and I secretly felt envious of her as she widened her eyes in excitement while telling me that.
Well, whatever it is, it sure feels good to pen these down.
And like the 3 idiots would say, I really hope all is well.
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