Gosh so the internet connection is screwed or maybe it's just my 3-year-old beloved laptop. This is really in the moment kind of entry because I realised that one of my best abilities is to dream and dramatize. Although mind you, through the years I've become really practical in terms of mentality but every girl dreams right? So I realised that I tend to have one-sided conversations, with myself (yeah I know, sounds crazy) but I believe everyone has this self-talk going on. But I do that. It could be someone imagining a whole conversation with let's say, an old flame. Perfectly normal. I know some of you would probably think that having one-sided conversations can lead to regret especially if we don't fully execute it but it is actually a form of catharsis. But that's not the point I'm trying to put across. While I am here typing on this iPhone in the school library's multimedia room, with a rather mediocre view of the trees, I am here wondering perhaps I could be a scriptwriter? Since I make conversations in my head everyday, and some of them are pretty dramatic and good. Ha, ktnxbye!
This is difficult to write, but it's definitely an important one amidst all the conversations we've been having lately. Growing up being brown/Malay wasn't easy, especially when it became ingrained in me that having a darker skin tone by default, is less desired than fairer skin tones. In childhood, I couldn't recall having to endure comments about my skin colour. Thankfully amongst children, these values ascribed to lightness and darkness didn't yet come to the fore. This consciousness became more obvious since secondary school. And it was tough and painful. I've been in a sports CCA since secondary school and I couldn't really avoid not becoming tanned. What hurts the most was even my peers at that time would make comments about my skin colour without even realising the damage caused from these words. These comments I recall, were sometimes made under the guise of humour. I was called 'budak hitam' (literally means 'black child') and even ...
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