Skip to main content

Language

So this morning, I totally felt defeated. I guess language acquisition is really hard. Really, really hard. I went back to reflect upon myself how in the world do I acquire English and Malay in such a progressively easy way. And I realise that the only way to acquire language so well is to speak it everyday. And by everyday, it means, every single moment, every single opportunity you take to communicate with someone else. To utilise it in our speech everyday, and to listen to others when they speak. Because otherwise, you can never get across what you really want to say, and you can never understand what others want to convey. Acquiring a third, forth, fifth (and so on) languages at a generally older age IS hard. I used to have this confidence that if you throw me in a French-speaking country, I think I would be able to hold conversations. Yes, that's true. Normal conversations at a rather average, slow-ish speed. But I don't want to feel limited when I communicate (I do admit that I'm vocal and talktative). I guess language comprehension is way harder than language production. Cos yes, truth is, listening is hard. All I need is lots of slowing down. And that said, I conclude, I still need to do so much to sharpen this language. So so much. And I still feel defeated right now (hopefully this will last by the end of today) because if I ever see something French right now, I still feel so ashamed of myself because I feel that I am not there yet. Ok, yes, maybe I'm pushing myself too hard. But I want to speak so well so badly, I think I NEED to go the extra mile to improve it. And so I will need time. So yes, I shall make more mistakes. That too, is another formula to learn it well.

Ok, this entry is not supposed to sound angsty, but just needed to vent out on what I think about languages. And for someone who wishes to acquire more languages, I guess one experience is enough to equip me to what I would be in for, in the future.

[updated]

No more feelings of defeat, depression and pessimism. A kind soul gave me a call and then, without knowing it, we ended up having a good french conversation. Now I feel fine. Language shouldn't be rushed, and I'm willing to take this one step at a time :)

Anyway, school was good. It was a mere 2-hour lecture of paedriatic psychology. After that, played monopoly deal with wx and jiayee. This is how I want to spend my first two weeks of school before I get bombarded with assignments, projects and readings. And a good bus ride home with jiayee and aiman.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Be, be your love

Just in Rachael Yamagata mood (: If I could take you away Pretend I was queen What would you say Would you think I'm unreal 'Cause everybody's got their way I should feel Everybody's talking how I, can't, can't be your love But I want, want, want to be your love Want to be your love, for real Everybody's talking how I, can't, can't be your love But I want, want, want to be your love Want to be your love for real Want to be your everything Everything... Everything's falling, and I am included in that Oh, how I try to be just okay Yeah, but all I ever really wanted Was a little piece of you Everything will be alright If you just stay the night Please, sir, don't you walk away, don't you walk away, don't you walk away Please, sir, don't you walk away, don't you walk away, don't you walk away And everybody's talking how I, can't, can't be your love But I want, want, want to be your love Want to be your love, for re...

Anything but ordinary

Sometimes I get so weird I even freak myself out I laugh myself to sleep it's my lullaby Sometimes I drive so fast Just to feel the danger I want to scream it makes me feel alive To walk within the lines Would make my life so boring I want to know that I have been to the extreme So knock me off my feet Come on now, give it to me Anything to make me feel alive Is it enough to love? Is it enough to breathe? Somebody rip my heart out And leave me here to bleed Is it enough to die? Somebody save my life I'd rather be anything but ordinary please I'd rather be anything but ordinary please Let down your defenses Use no common sense If you look, you will see That this world is a beautiful, accident Turbulent, succulent, opulent Permanent, no way I wanna taste it Don't wanna waste it away yeah, yeah Sometimes I get so weird I even freak myself out I laugh myself to sleep it's my lullaby I'd rather be anything but ordinary please

Hitam Manis

This is difficult to write, but it's definitely an important one amidst all the conversations we've been having lately. Growing up being brown/Malay wasn't easy, especially when it became ingrained in me that having a darker skin tone by default, is less desired than fairer skin tones. In childhood, I couldn't recall having to endure comments about my skin colour. Thankfully amongst children, these values ascribed to lightness and darkness didn't yet come to the fore. This consciousness became more obvious since secondary school. And it was tough and painful.  I've been in a sports CCA since secondary school and I couldn't really avoid not becoming tanned. What hurts the most was even my peers at that time would make comments about my skin colour without even realising the damage caused from these words. These comments I recall, were sometimes made under the guise of humour. I was called 'budak hitam' (literally means 'black child') and even ...