Sakinah Abdul Aziz

This is the thirst of a weary and withering soul. This is a thirst which stems from a place of void. This is a thirst for the pursuit of something, anything to revive the weakening and dying soul. The pursuit of meaning and inspiration. The pursuit of purposeful living and self actualization. The pursuit of a greater cause which transcends the material and physical. The pursuit of endless possibilities and growth. The pursuit of transformation and adventure. The pursuit of a journey within. This is the thirst, yearning for solace and peace. This is the thirst for an awakening. Another is the thirst, a physical thirst which tires and slows down the living. This is the thirst which couldn't be quenched as a result of ruthless tyrants and their followers who did not understand compassion and humanity. This is the thirst of the oppressed under the hands of tyranny and cruelty. This is the thirst of a 7 month old who has done no wrong. This is the thirst of a man, this close to rea...

There is something about the nature that is so alluring, so calming and so awe-inspiring. I give my sincerest and greatest thanks to the very person who used to bring me to listen to the sound of the waves, to be near calming waters, to bask in the glory of sunshine in appreciating the trees and the clear blue skies, and to discover the beauty of the darkest nights by gazing at the stars and the moon shining brilliantly. It was then when I discovered this side of me who is truly inspired by the wonders of nature. To uncover this side of me is truly a gift. And the heart just yearns to gain nearness and closeness to nature everytime. Thank you. Recently during one of the last few days of Ramadhan, I was reminded by this scholar who spoke about nature which almost brought me to tears upon the realization of how truly, it is one of the greatest signs of all creation. And that indeed, the sun, the moon, the planets and all that is in the nature, follow a specific system by which, o...

Every Ramadhan has its own set of challenges. I must admit that prior to the start of this holy month, my greatest concern was hunger and thirst. Halfway through the month, I was thinking, who was I kidding? Well to be fair to myself, that concern stemmed from the fact that this would be my very first time observing fast while working. I was worried about how I could keep up with the same energy level I've always had, seeing cases after cases and addressing their risks and needs. I was worried about having to drag myself to do home visits or to the Court or to prison. Mostly, I was afraid how I could muster the energy to deal with challenging people; those that require more hand-holding, close supervision, and having to sometimes resort to my own version of "stern warning" which I must admit, takes the most of my energy. Praises to the One who is most worthy of praise, hunger and thirst were usually made the easiest challenges of all. Nonetheless, one is still cha...

I found myself walking towards the regional library after one tiring day at work. Not only just because I wanted to escape from the crowd and the noise, but rather, to be in a place where I could re-connect with myself, especially when my job requires me to connect a lot with others. That was when I started evaluating the places I would go, the very few people I tend to gravitate towards, the things I enjoy doing, and the conversation topics I tend to make, whenever I feel I needed to unleash myself. They actually reflect who we really are and provide insights into our true nature. And when we pay more attention to these things, we have found ourselves clues to our core self. Regardless of how we tend to appear in front of everyone else. Because sometimes, at the end of the day, you just want to be  you , at the fullest, all stripped and bare. No more layers of masks to peel. You want to be the real you , who you feel most alive. No more residual energy trapped within ...

Every now and then, we stumble upon doors we never knew existed, not knowing exactly what are behind them. And then we decide whether to open that door and enter, or to close that door and remain walking on the paths we are already familiar with. Sometimes, we take a rain check and put a bookmark on that door, and revisit it the next time we feel we are more ready to enter it. But sometimes, there are no doors. Sometimes, the doors are not visible enough to our naked eyes. Sometimes, we have to actively build the doors ourselves and let ourselves in, and face the uncharted pathways ahead of us. And the next step? That is the scary part. If there is desire to know what is behind that door, we need to brave ourselves to know what is on the other side. And what should be expected of us? To start being comfortable with any discomfort that the journey may bring. And quoting a friend/a close colleague of mine, she said that the true essence of a seeker really, is very differe...

Hello, March. It is yet another new month. Time really flies. It has been quite a journey, I think, for my past 6 months. When life presents me with a myriad of challenges and difficulties, be it affecting me emotionally, or experiencing challenges at work, there are only gains at the end of the day. Today, I see them as blessings. They are opportunities to build me up so I can emerge stronger, to grow and to learn. To learn how to let go of what I cannot control, to accept the things I cannot change and to change the things I can.  Today, I am going to let myself, let go.

It is in our very nature, as human beings, to have desires. We yearn for so many things, it is impossible to list down all the possible wants of mankind. Generally, we yearn for and we aspire towards perfection and beauty, we love the notion of eternity, we want to experience eternal bliss, and to be in a state of tranquility, free of internal turbulence and worries. We want good things to last forever and we want to be free of hardships. These desires, I believe, are inherent within us. Look at how we naturally gravitate towards things or people which/who we think can fulfill these desires. Indeed sometimes, we are lucky to have found the providers for our wants and needs, but sometimes, it is either we are never completely satisfied, or we are always wanting more and something better, or we never learnt how to appreciate with what we have. We are always on this slippery slope where we either fall into the pits of disappointments or we struggle to trek on this uphill slope to fulfil...

I felt very inspired a few nights ago after I met up with a very close friend who had shared a great deal about her life journey. Her life journey, although cannot be identical to my own, somehow resonates with me. And to see how this person grows after having experienced from one ordeal to another, and now has attained so much joy and peace, only confirm my outlook in life. There will be times when we will be afflicted with trials and tribulations, and that the world may seem bleak, but only through these times, we can actually find strength. Although intuitively, we all know how it really feels when life sucks. We feel we are plummeting into this deep, dark, black hole and everything else will be a downward spiral just when we think that that is the end of it all. The most re-assuring thing is, there is no other way to go because that's the bottomest kiddo. We can only head towards that one direction, and that is to keep going up. And the next re-assuring thing is, only through...

One moment, this state of oblivion seems very settling and the next moment, life grabs and takes you to places you never thought you'd be. Or places you never thought you'd be so soon. And soon enough you need to face up to the complexities of the world and accept the fact that the world is this colossal place, full of infinite ideologies and knowledge, and more that are waiting to be discovered. It makes you feel small, knowing that you only know this much, when there are actually so much more out there, much more than you can possibly imagine. Scientists have discovered the amount of brain usage a human can possibly employ and that the average amount we actually employ is not maximized to its fullest potential. Thus, it is daunting to know that on top of what we already do not know, there are more unknowns that are beyond our comprehension. And so it is the duty of us to seek the best that we can. And the hardest part is to seek with an open mind knowing the vastness of the i...

Often we hear of the challenges in the pursuit of happiness. But I think the difficulty lies in the pursuit of inner peace, not the pursuit of happiness. If your heart and mind is at rest, there lies contentment, and ultimately, you will naturally feel the glow of happiness. Seek for inner peace. If something is troubling you and it is disrupting your state of tranquility, there is then very little room for happiness. Happiness will not be possible if the body, mind and soul is not at rest. Seek for inner peace and find balance. Only then you'll find happiness.

Have you ever stopped and thought about how fortunate and blessed you are? Some people, they don't have it all. And sometimes, we are all a little broken.

There are reasons why certain people are so special and that you can immediately set them apart from the rest. Of course there are the good times; they bring joy, warmth and comfort, but it's also these same people who make you vulnerable/feel vulnerable in many bittersweet ways. It is these few people who can really surprise you with your capacity to allow yourselves to bask in this vulnerability despite knowing the associated risks that may come along. It's like scraping the different epidermal layers of your skin, and exposing them bit by bit until you've arrived at the innermost layer where you are most vulnerable to pathogens. It is with these people you can be completely yourself with and through being comfortable, you gradually expose some flaws, weaknesses, habits, weird tendencies and silly antics along the way. Other people can easily shoot you down, some may leave you, criticize you, bring you down but these people acknowledge and embrace them and perhaps shoot y...

Amidst the busy week, perhaps I had forgotten why is it that I love school. It's really sad that due to the academic workload thrown to us, we have transformed into some sort of humdrum existence along the lively corridors of school. We all have been there before. Every now and then. So why is it that I love school? If I were to look back to catch a glimpse of myself back in the primary school days, and then to the secondary school days, and then to junior college, and finally to where I am now, I see two things that remain to be in common as to be the reasons why I love school throughout the whole chunk of my academic life: 1) People 2) Joy of learning It's always been these two. I think I could go on and on if you really want me to explain why people, or rather, socializing with people, really makes school so fun and enjoyable to me. Simply put, I love socializing. If you ask me, it's really where I get my energy from. I see a friendly acquaintance or a friend or a profes...

I always find myself in the same situation too many times before. The world's a fast-moving place, I'm in a whirl and I just want everything to be in slow motion, I want it all to stop even just for a minute. And then I would ask myself; what is it that I really want to do? All I want to do, is really to be in the entirety of myself and treating myself like I am my own lover; listening attentively to myself and listening to my needs, my wants, independent of anything, anyone and any influences of any sorts. All I want to do is to sit somewhere and do nothing, with no disturbances, no emails, no text messages to attend to. I want to pick a good book and read in a safe, comfortable place, and just be pensive. And do a great deal of catching up with myself, perhaps with a good movie or in places where I could find tranquility. To take a bus to nowhere and just plugged into great music. And to think about life, think about the good times, think about many good times to come, think ...

If there is one thing I'd tell a person at this moment, it shall be; to be around people who make you laugh. Doesn't really matter if you're a giggler, or a chuckler, or a cackler, or a guffawer, as long as you truly laugh in your very own special way. Life is too short to not see the lighter side of things. And if you're really lucky, you'll meet the very few special people who make you laugh in a way that instantly ignites this small part of you, spreading to your bones and skin, and then you suddenly feel so, so alive. And the best part? You never really knew you could laugh like that. Don't miss out on it.

I would think that most of the chapters of our lives have their very special or unique or tragic or ordinary, rightful endings, like the end of secondary school, the end of a beautiful trip, the end of a suffering. I think that closure is a very important notion in our lives. Often we think of closure as something negative when it actually forms the very process of life. If we don't have closure, then we're not really moving on with that particular phase in our lives, like how we're still holding onto the book without being able to turn the pages because we're still stuck on that chapter. Because closure indicates a new beginning. And typically I started analyzing back upon which there could have been a closure. So could it be that the story hasn't ended yet?

I am so inspired to write probably a short, brief entry on extroverts and our biases about them. It is just an observation that I thought would be worthy to write about, just because (and that I refuse to study right now). Also, I've always been intrigued about people's personality and how these portrayals of "self" can actually influence how others may treat you the way they do. And lastly, while extroversion has its positive connotations, there are some dark sides as well. Based on the layman's definition of 'extrovert', it simply describes a person who is energized by being around other people. So what I think could potentially be a bad thing for extroverts is how people form erroneous impressions of them that might undermine the true substance that makes up the person himself. What I mean by this is how people can easily arrive to the conclusion that just because extroverts possess a relatively wider circle of friends, they do not strive for depths in ...

Good morning! I feel pretty perky today, after reading Sha's first email from London! She's continuing to pursue her medical degree there. I'm a proud friend (: 2 days ago, I was walking along the school walkway and I bumped into a friend of mine. He's a Chinese, and recently converted into Islam. Now, that matters because I bet 50% of the Muslims in this world probably do not know the meaning of my name (ok, am unsure about the statistics but perhaps mostly the Asian Muslims). He just muttered my name and said, "Your name carries a beautiful meaning... tranquility." And I just stood there, amazed and awestruck. Yes people, contrary to how I carry myself (probably not a peaceful person at all), my name means 'tranquility', or 'God-inspired peace of mind'. Usually most of my friends who asked for the meaning of my name would scoff jokingly because of the apparent contrast of my personality and my name, but this guy, he actually said "It...

Hello earthlings! Woa, just like that time flew. I withdrew myself from this blog and I realized that it REALLY does need a lot of updating. For one, I had a temporary job for 2 months at People's Association. I was back in the same department I worked in exactly a year ago. For another, there was one point in time when I thought my life was a mess, it wasn't all so long-lived though (or so I hope). As they say, when it rains, it pours. But also, there's this saying that time heals all wounds, and that there's always light at the end of the tunnel. I, for one, believe that there are truths in such cliché-d sayings. And also, I went to Bangkok for a short, awesome shopping trip. I honestly do not know how three months fly. I attempt to update my blog more, not for the sake of readers (I don't even know if there's anyone reading this anymore), but purely for myself. I remembered the humanistic feel I had a couple of years back, completely in touch with my feelings...

I cannot imagine life without girlfriends and the many wonderful things associated with it. Heart-to-heart talks, giggly giggles, genuinity, deep conversations, compassion, having them to relate extremely well with you, being silly together, doing many million girly (or non-girly) things, gossiping (yes this is bad but I am certain every girl does it), story sharing, warm hugs, sleepovers, comfortable silences, squeals, being there for each other NO MATTER WHAT, talking about everything under the Sun knowing they won't EVER judge you, boy talk, boy crushes, celebrity crushes, window shopping, shopping.. uh shopping? It's like there's this bond and camaraderie only girls understand. And I'd say that we should be thankful to have the amazing girls to whom we can do all these with.